new job prayer

Father,  I realized today in chapel that I have the wrong motivations in applying for this new job.  I wish I was always serving You, always wanting to be used more fully and potently by You, but the truth is, I’m just so bored where I am.  I want motion.  I want progression, and for so long I’ve just been here, in this cubicle, bored, frustrated, feeling unused.  I know that’s not the truth.   You’re always using me, if I just allow You, but it simply doesn’t stop that feeling in me! 

 

Really, I think this job will be a good fit for me.  I think I’ll be good at it and will enjoy it.  I think it’ll be a good place for me to learn and help others and ultimately benefit Compassion and the children we help.

 

But I know that You’re pretty unconcerned with how noble my actions look if my heart’s not on board with the nobility. 

 

Please God, change my heart.

 

Even as I pray this I’m asking for change because I think if my heart changes then You’ll allow me to have the position.

 

I hate my stupid, dark heart sometimes.

 

Please help me.  I know You are the only one that changes hearts and minds and circumstances.

 

If it means I don’t get the job.  If it means I’m an “income processing associate” the rest of my life, please make my heart pure.  Please draw me unto You because it’s the only place I feel safe.  Let me know You, Your sufferings, Your joy, Your resurrection and power.  Do whatever it takes because I can’t make anything happen on my own.

 

I’ve tried.  It’s stupid.

 

I love You.  And even though my actions and words don’t always testify to that, please help me love You more, love You better.  Without You, this is all meaningless anyway.

 

Change me.  Make me not so selfish.  Again, only You can do this, because everything in me screams “you deserve it” or “it’s about time”. 

 

You owe me nothing, nothing in this whole world or outside of it.  You love me still.

 

Crazy.