The Second Most Important Commandment

So i was reading last night the third chapter of Crazy Love, by Francis Chan. The third chapter is the title chapter, Crazy Love. I never tire of hearing new and different, creative ways of describing God's love for us. I never tire of it because He's always revealing Himself. It's always shocking and always familiar.

Last night, this revelation hit me anew: He is enamored with me. He is and has always been complete and whole, lacking nothing, having everything good and bright, yet He reaches outside of that bliss to love this creature that can't love Him back correctly.

Last night, after a day of holding back tears, hating my flesh and myself because i'm so consumed by it, the truth of this hit me. It penetrated through and through, violently and thoroughly, like a bed of nails suddenly thrown into unequal distribution. I get so comfortable with the love of God. It becomes so routine and droning, when in reality, nothing is as flambuoyant and unabashed as His love toward me.

Another thing was in that chapter. It talks about loving others, the second most important commandment, from the lips of Jesus Himself. It's to love others like you love yourself.

Think about how you love yourself.

It's crazy, this built-in need to support your own opinion, plans, and choices. Right or wrong, the knee jerk response is to argue, embarass, and kill anyone who disputes your right-ness. You never have to remind yourself to be shy in order to avoid embarrassment. It comes without thinking. You don't have to tell yourself to pick the chair at the table that you've loved since you can remember. We're unable to analyze ourselves objectively because we have a vested interest.

So to love someone like you love yourself would actually CHANGE how you love yourself.

If you gave someone else the good chair, backed their mind and heart like your own, wanted their betterment, fought to protect their self image; if you did it all without thinking or having to make the decision to do so, if this became the new norm, then you'd love yourself far less than anyone else.

That's what i want.

Maybe i can't be gentle with other people because i'm unable to be gentle with myself. If i'm doing my best (about 50% of the time) to try and love others like i love myself and i'm still harsh and pushy and critical, then maybe it means i'm that way with me.

I know we don't have minds big enough to grasp it, but maybe i just need to start asking again that God will show me who i am through His eyes. He's unwaiveringly gentle with me because He sees my little-ness, that i'm easily distracted and unsure of everything. Still His love for me throbs like dark gray clouds and pours out like the rain. I want to love me better and give myself a break because then maybe i can offer that to others.